Christmas Feature: STAND WITH GRACE

By Marivir R. Montebon

(Our Christmas special feature is Grace Grande, a fitting Christmas celebration of the victory of a brave woman rising  from her own miserable condition. Thank you, Grace for the immense inspiration from your strength. Merry Christmas, dear readers! - Ed.)

Independence is happiness.
- Susan B. Anthony, American suffragist

[caption id="attachment_3130" align="aligncenter" width="182"] She stood with grace.[/caption]

New York City -- Grace Grande must be the first Filipino to have opened to the world about her hellish life as a mistress to a congressman, how she defied domestic violence by escaping to America with her two sons, and eventually winning her freedom from a dreadfully powerful abuser who had earlier charged her with theft and tried to use extradition to pin her down.

She stood with grace.

In November this year, the US rescinded the Philippine government's application for extradition to have her sent back to  the Philippines. Now Grace is bent to pursue her political asylum petition to ensure her protection and safety.

At a press conference in Los Angeles a few months ago, Grace told reporters that she wasn't some girl that dreamed of  using her face to get famous. But because of necessity, she had to get into modeling right after high school. "I started to have responsibilities more than myself," she said.

[caption id="attachment_3131" align="alignleft" width="260"] As a young model, she had responsibilities for her family.[/caption]

"It is not easy what I and my boys are going through emotionally and financially until now and telling my story every time, remembering details brings back pain, but I am willing to share it to you tonight to help others that are trapped in an abusive relationship who does not have a voice and let them know that there is hope if you will just make a stand." she told reporters.

Grace had to care for her younger sisters, send them to school, pay for the bills and live on her own. She was born in  Makati City, the 6th of 10 children, and graduated high school in Los Banos Science High School. Having an absentee mom most of the time while growing up, life was hard but they all managed.

Comes now who seems to be the knight in a shining armor, Patricio Antonio, an affluent congressman and  businessman, who wooed her to be his mistress. Thinking that it would bail her out from the horrendous financial constraints, she agreed to the proposal. She was 25 years old then, raising an adoptive child Darrelle and her younger siblings. "I felt I had no other choice."

The choice meant she was on her way to hell. How she got out of it is definitely one telling story.

Excerpts of the interview with OSM!:

1. How did you become involved with Congressman Antonio?

My abuser is a wealthy and powerful congressman in the Philippines. He was 22 years older than me. I was still working (as  a model) but with all my economic burdens, my house was in danger of being foreclosed, my sister’s tuition needed payment, and I had a child, I was in deep financial need. He asked me to be his “querida” or mistress. He was married to another woman and had children. Even so, he asked me to be his mistress. I agreed, feeling I had no choice.

We have two boys, who are now 15 and 13 years old. They were to be the only thing that was good in that situation.

2. What triggered you to decide to leave your life with him? How long have you stayed with him for?

I could not take living in fear and abuse anymore. It was a 10 year relationship.

[caption id="attachment_3134" align="alignleft" width="224"] Controlled and trapped, once upon a time.[/caption]

3. How was he abusing you?

I was controlled and trapped - literally. He monitored my daily activities and made clear what I was permitted to do and  not do.

The boys were not allowed to call him dad in public, much less seen with him. My abuser never acknowledged my children -  he didn’t even sign their birth certificates and he was not around to really see them grow up, and most of all, he did not give them his surname.

About a year after my youngest was born, my abuser forced me to give up Darrelle, my adoptive son, because he only wants  his real children in the house. He did not hide it as a choice, it was not up to discussion or for argument. He forced me to do it.

A year later, I learned that Patricio had several other mistresses with children. I wanted to leave the relationship, but  it took time to find the courage to be able to do so. When I told Patricio that I wanted to leave, he ridiculed me. He threatened to have my children taken from me, and threatened my life.

4. Did you seek the help and advice of friends and family for that decision?

They gave me advice but it was my own decision. Most of my friends betrayed only my family really supported me.

5. Your victory is awesome and admirable. This is domestic violence won against a powerful man that has gone global.  Where do you gather such strength to be relentless and steadfast?

My strength and courage come from God. It’s my faith in Him that kept me going.

6. How did you manage to leave the country and fly to the US?

My boys and I had visas valid for five years. They are illegitimate children so I am the only one who has rights to take  them. Living was not easy but thank God I was able to.

7. Upon entry to the US, the congressman was already making it hard for you. How did you get through all these?

I want to thank the groups Affirm and Mariposa and all its allies for all their help, for standing with me as I continue to fight for our freedom.

In May of 2007, I left the Philippines with my children. When we arrived in Hawaii, I was detained and interrogated for five hours because of malicious and false allegations. I was permitted to leave for one week, but I was interrogated a second time for four hours upon returning to ICE custody.

After the second interrogation, the next day I flew with my sons to Los Angeles where my sister lives. I hired an immigration lawyer and filed petition for asylum. I spent the few savings that I had on attorney’s fees. What I thought only happens in the movies actually happened to me, because two months later, in July, I was arrested in front of my sister's house. This was a terrifying experience that until now is painful to me and my boys.

I was placed in ICE custody in San Pedro for three and a half months. My sons could only see me through the glass window  and could not touch me or hug me.

I was then transferred to Tacoma, Washington where I remained in custody until January 10 of 2008. While I was in Tacoma,  my boys could not visit me at all. I had never before been separated from them for this long. It was so hard and difficult but by the grace of God, I endured 6 months and 10 days in detention.

When I was arrested, the next day my abuser filed a child custody case in the California Superior Court. My sister hired a family law attorney, despite the great financial difficulty this placed us under. I was able to testify in court by telephone when I was in the immigration detention. The court found that my abuser does not acknowledge my boys and has not given them his name.

The court also found that, if my boys were sent back to the Philippines, my abuser did not plan to take care of them, but planned instead to send them to a surrogate sister's home. The court said that my boys were obviously very close to me and missed me, and found that it was in their best interest to be with me. I was awarded sole custody in January of 2011.

This was a blessing for me. The court also awarded me child support. My abuser currently owes more than $1,000,000 in  unpaid support. He has not paid me a single cent, despite the court's order.

[caption id="attachment_3132" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Grace and children. Their father still owes her a million dollars in child support, which remains unpaid to date.[/caption]

September 24, 2012 was supposed to be the last hearing in my immigration case, but I learned on that date that the  Philippines government was seeking my extradition to face charges for allegedly stealing jewelry before leaving my country. I am innocent of these charges.

I no longer have resources to pay a defense attorney, and I am blessed to have the court appoint the Federal Public  Defender's office to represent me. I am now working with a team of lawyers from that office, as well as UCLA Immigration Law Clinic.

It is a miracle for the prosecutor's office to agree that I be released on bond because it is unusual for it to give bonds  to extradition cases most of them are in jail through out the proceedings. I was formally processed and released on October 19, 2012. I was hand cuffed, shackled and in chains again for something I did not do. I thank God for the strength he gave me that day.

[caption id="attachment_3133" align="alignright" width="300"] With AF3irm's Ivy Quicho (far left) and Jollene Levid (right most) and her battery of lawyers.[/caption]

8. How is life in the US right now?

At first it was not easy, as you know. I spent 6 months and 10 days in an immigration detention. When I came out, my  sisters supported me and my kids until I was able to get a work permit. I’ve been working as a caregiver for four years now with the same patient. For two years, I have been a council member in our church, was at first director of the children’s church, and now of the women’s ministry. I am also a coordinator of three more ministries.

I finished a year of Theology at Life Christian University. I stopped because of financial and time issues. My life is my kids, work, church and family. I am blessed with my family, church family and friends.

9. What future do you envision yourself to have after this victory?

When this is all over, I want to go back to school get a degree on either Psychology or Theology. Given a chance, I want  to speak and tell my story to help other women maybe not like me but similar situation, to give them hope and maybe even help prevent young women from getting into such situation.

10. What lesson has this experience taught you about womanhood, about yourself, about being a wife, mom, lover?

I shouldn’t allow any man to treat me like dirt. I learned that I am God’s masterpiece, a child of a king. I know now who  I am in Christ. I lost my soul, my self-esteem, confidence in myself all those years.

[caption id="attachment_3138" align="alignleft" width="300"] Happy mother, at last.[/caption]

 

I was never a wife, so I don’t know. All I know is that I am a loving and caring mom and I have set a good example to my boys. Maybe someday, I will be blessed with a man who would love me and my boys but as of now we are happy with our life just the three of us.

 

The Perfect Subversion

By Marivir R. Montebon

New York City -- Everything that the petite and feisty Ninotchka Rosca said at the Montclair  State University in New Jersey was subversive. Her lecture titled 'The Colonial Roots of Violence Against Women' was like an ultra violent movie, it had to issue a warning that it was not meant for the faint hearted.

[caption id="attachment_2896" align="alignleft" width="168"] Rosca: international novelist and feminist[/caption]

Rosca, an international novelist and transnational feminist, lectured at the George Segal Gallery, where the Triumph of Philippine Art exhibit is ran until December 15,  2013 and curated by M. Teresa Lapid Rodriguez, the Gallery's director.

She began with the painful reality that Filipino women are the main export of the Philippines. The $30 billion in remittances to the country every year was predominantly courtesy of the Filipino woman, who choses to  leave her family to earn in a much better quantitative manner in a foreign land.

The odds are all against the woman, who could no longer take part in raising her children and providing them emotional  support, while being exposed to the risks of being a faceless entity in a foreign land's labor force.

This reality may well be considered a violence against the well-being of women. But in absolute terms, violence against  women has to be defined as the total deprivation of their economic and political rights, she said.

An award-winning novelist based in New York, Rosca was a political activist at the time of Philippine dictator Pres.  Marcos. She sought political asylum in the US in the early 1980s. Since then, Rosca has devoted her time to writing and organizing women in the US.

Her group, called the AF3IRM, is relentless in its organizing work and developing and popularizing a feminist theory to guide contemporary women's movements.

Rosca's lecture is a substantial element in the reawakening of the theory based on ancient feminist practices.

She divided her lecture into three parts: the era of the babaylan (priestess) which characterized the indigenous society  prior to the Spanish colonialism, the era of dominion and hegemony which describes the Spanish and American colonial rule, and finally, the killing of the Adarna Bird which figuratively calls to end Philippine diaspora.

Veering away from the traditional structure of looking at Philippine history on the periodic manner, Rosca used a lens  that is especially feminine, to tell a story of a people that has yet to come to terms with suppressed realities and truths that have been forcibly erased from their common memory several hundred years ago.

The Era of the Babaylan

In the ancient days, when there was no Philippines to speak of, there were only thousands of tribes scattered in the  archipelago, each having their distinction and commonality as indigenous peoples.

Describing the Bagobo tribes, Rosca pointed out that the ancient societies ascribed to the goddess Mebuya (or Maibuan,  Mebyan, and Mona in other ethnic groups) and their lives were predominantly guided by the babaylan (priestesses).

[caption id="attachment_2897" align="alignleft" width="93"] Mebuyan: the goddess of many breasts (Duddley Diaz sculpture)[/caption]

Mebuya was the goddess of many breasts and a hundred names. She brought forth children, and milk, a symbol of power of  women. In Greek mythology, she was the goddess Artemis.

The babaylan and the women in the ancient times held the knowledge of seeds, plants, and herbs. They led in rituals and  rites exclusively, such as the pounding of rice, while the men had to pound the gongs.

The babaylan was the spiritual leader of the community, the only one entitled to communicate to the spirits. There were  instances when men were spiritual leaders, but they were required to wear women's clothes to communicate to the spirits.

The women were the key individuals in the death and birth of members of their community. They were also responsible for  their oral stories, through poems and songs, said to the children towards the end part of the day.

Rosca said that at the time of babaylan, the societies were less oppressive and more egalitarian.  The crimes noted were offense and insult such as when you offend or insult women.

Virginity was not a requirement and adultery was not a big issue and was paid off with a certain amount to the spouse.

In ancient times, a major rule was to never have debts. It was honorable to never owe anything to anyone.

The era of the babaylan was prevalent in indigenous societies of Asia prior to the conquest of western world.

Dominionism and Hegemony

The absolute subversion of the mindset of the babaylan took place when Spain colonized the islands and named it  Philippines, after its king, Philip II.

The "idea of the perfect" was brought into the islands and it takes the face of a foreigner and its center was religion.

"We were taught of the God, the father, God, the son, and God, the holy ghost. Somebody turned the woman into a ghost,"  said Rosca.

It was impossible for the foreigner to destroy the feminist view, noted Rosca, that they had to convert Juana (native name  unknown), the wife of the tribal chief of Cebu, Humabon, into Christianity.

[caption id="attachment_2898" align="alignright" width="168"] Dominionism encroached into the era of the babaylan.[/caption]

Christianity indoctrinated the natives that life is painful and full of misery and systematically took away the rights of  women.

This was expressed in the change of the clothing of women. "The women were literally imprisoned in their clothes,"  remarked Rosca.

The encomienda system outrightly replaced the leadership of women in the farms. Women were relegated to the homes, to give  birth as much as they can for labor supply.

This perfect subversion of the rights of women led to babaylan revolts all over the archipelago. The babaylan was persecuted and banished.   For more than 300 years, the perfection of the foreign intruder was best expressed in recreating the psyche of a  subservient woman and forgetting the spiritual leadership of the babaylan.

Killing the Adarna Bird

Rosca brings her lecture to full circle using the myth of the Ibong Adarna (ibon means bird). But unlike how the popular  legend, written in poetry by the famous Francisco Baltazar, imparts hope and solution that the bird brings (it has to be captured by the three princes and a feather be brought to cure their ailing father), Rosca pleads her audience to kill the Adarna myth.

The journey of the three princes to foreign lands in search of the Ibong Adarna, is so much like the Filipino diaspora,  she said. Jose Rizal went to study in Europe to bring in fresh ideas to the revolution of the Philippines, Filipinos must seek greener pastures abroad to give bright future to the children. But that is not the answer, postulates Rosca.


"We go around the world, trying to look for solutions to our problems in the country. But the answer is right there, all  the time. We only need to learn the story of our past and revive the feminism of the babaylan."

Teresa B. Fernandez: Pioneering to End Domestic Violence

By Marivir R. Montebon



"At one time, a mother complained that her husband had broken all her trays of eggs when he was drunk. Another husband had stolen his wife's income from peanut vending. These realities have opened my eyes to the fact that domestic violence has a lot to do with the economic impairment of our women beneficiaries," says Teresa Banaynal-Fernandez, women's rights advocate and one time Cebu-based nominee for the 2005 Nobel Peace Prize for 1000 Women.

That moment of truth, from women's lamentations of abuse, led Tessie to make an organized campaign against domestic violence. At first it was a lonely issue, with her husband in fact cautioning her against prying on private lives. She did not listen to him, of course. She listened to her heart.

Now the campaign against domestic violence, through the Bantay Banay, has reached national proportions, in the legislative and executive offices of government.

Tessie and the women who wanted change have come a long way indeed.

Her nomination to the Nobel (she was the only one for Cebu) was definitely an additional feather on her cap, having gone a long way since her teenage years in the relentless, passionate task of empowering women and the marginalized sectors of southern Philippines. Although the nomination did not make it last year, for Tessie believes it was mileage enough for women’s rights advocates in the whole world to make their works known and recognized. The Philippines fielded 28 women’s rights champions in the entire nomination.

Tessie (born 1953) is a passionate trailblazer in "alternative politics" for its ubiquitous but voiceless urban poor residents. She is a tireless advocate of women's rights that has helped change the lives of many women and influenced government institutions, non-government organizations, and universities to take on such "unpopular" issues as domestic
violence, gender sensitivity, good governance, environmental protection and human rights.

The Lihok Filipina Foundation, the institution that she helped found and is currently executive director, won as the exemplary institution in the Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Triennial Awards in 2006.

When appointed to head Cebu City’s urban poor office in the early 1990s, she conducted a survey on domestic violence and found that six out of 10 women in the community were being battered. This prompted her to form the Bantay Banay program in 1992, a community-based and multi-stakeholder approach to end domestic violence. Police enforcers, social workers, councilors, lawyers, and village chiefs were trained in gender sensitivity and human rights to help them respond to domestic problems.

"It was time to realize that domestic violence and gender sensitivity are public concerns because it is commonly felt by women," asserts Tessie. Barangay (village) volunteers were trained and a referral system was opened where non-government organizations, government agencies and professionals are tapped to help. Bantay Banay has been replicated in 70 cities and towns all over the country, effectively making the issue of domestic violence not only a public issue but also one of governance.

Tessie continues to pursue her other passions, the environment, particularly solid waste management, water conservation, and watershed protection.

PEACE IS POLITICAL

Tessie’s political awakening began in her teenage years in college at Xavier University in Cagayan de Oro City where she took sociology and history. Student unrest was sweeping from Manila, the country's capital to Mindanao, as the young minds in universities grew increasingly critical and vocal about the way Marcos ran the country.

In 1971, on her third year in college, Tessie was among the leaders of a big protest action that demanded for quality services from the school. "We wanted peace in our land, but that which is based on justice. We were openly advocating for reforms," she recalls.

When martial law was declared in 1972, she went back to her hometown in Wao, Lanao where she taught in a parish school. Teaching in her hometown provided a respite from the perils of the Marcos regime, when student leaders were blacklisted by the military as communists and arrested.

After graduating from college in 1972, she went back to her hometown for summer vacation where she was asked by the parish priest to teach in the coming school year. When martial law was declared in September that year, she was informed that her name was in the blacklist. She went into hiding for a month and later surfaced in a military camp in Cagayan de Oro with a character bond from the Archbishop. Tessie then joined the Social Action Office where she took charge of the relief and rehabilitation program for refugees, the youth program, and the Archdiocesan Bulletin.

As a community organizer, she helped the communities in Kawasaki Corporation and the tribal community of the Higaonons in Misamis Oriental. She became training director for Mindanao of the Philippine Ecumenical Community for Community Organizing and supervised the training of organizers in Bukidnon, Misamis Oriental and Occidental, Surigao, and Lanao del Norte.

Her marriage to Bimbo Fernandez, currently city administrator of Cebu City, in 1980 did not deter Tessie from her advocacy work.

In 1981, when she first became a mother, she settled in Cagayan de Oro and continued her work with the squatters in the city. Also at the time, she was involved in alternative law (making the law accessible and useful to people) and Pilipina, a women’s NGO that pioneered the advocacy for gender as a development issue.

In 1982, with a second child coming, Tessie joined her husband in Cebu and worked with him in advocating for low-income housing and experimenting on alternative housing materials using their own house as the example. She also began organizing
the women in the community where they lived, initially around health care issues, land acquisition, and later, income generation.

The fall of President Marcos through the People Power uprising in 1986 opened new political frontiers. For Tessie, it was an opportunity to articulate the issues of the people who had long been silenced by martial law.

During the 1988 local elections, she initiated an electoral forum on urban poor issues in Cebu City that opened the discussion of commonly felt problems in the community by candidates and the urban poor organizations. The forum outlined seven major concerns for the urban poor, summed up under security of tenure and delivery of basic services.

"It was a first attempt at democracy, a kind of alternative politics where the people defined and articulated what they wanted and expected of the political leaders," Tessie says. The forum, led by the political party Bandila, the Urban Poor People's Council, and the Cebuano Development Forum which Tessie herself founded in 1985 and where Lihok Filipina is a
member, later endorsed mayoralty and vice mayoralty candidates whose platforms jived with their concerns.

When these candidates won, they created an urban poor office that the mayor asked Tessie to head. Although she was hesitant to head a government office, Tessie was forced to take on the new responsibility on the insistent prodding of NGOs and urban poor organizations.

The Office for the Urban Poor takes charge of urban concerns such as land acquisition, relocations, basic services, and others. "It was an uneasy undertaking for me. I was used to working in a non-government organization, which was very critical of government. And suddenly, there I was, asked to head a government office. It was very uncomfortable. But I
managed to do what I had to do, and reminded myself that once I become an apologist for the government, it is time to get out," she quips.

Tessie initiated advocacy of the Community Mortgage Program (CMP) for land acquisition of the urban poor authored by her husband, who was then presidential commissioner for the urban poor. The CMP later became a program of the national government, as a response to the land tenure needs of the urban poor.

PEACE STARTS AT HOME

That domestic violence is a social issue became an uneasy realization for Tessie who, alongside her work at the urban poor office, continued to manage the Lihok Pilipina Foundation which had programs for micro credit, production and marketing
assistance, a welfare program for street children, water and sanitation, and women's education.

The foundation’s staff was surprised and alarmed at the low repayment by women in Lihok's micro credit program. Tessie realized that domestic violence probably had something to do with the problem.

"At one time, a mother complained that her husband had broken all her trays of eggs when he was drunk. Another husband had stolen his wife's income from peanut vending. These realities have opened my eyes to the fact that domestic violence has a lot to do with the economic impairment of our women beneficiaries," Tessie says.

"When I touched on domestic violence as an issue, my husband was at first reactive. He asked, ‘Why do you have to touch on something so private to couples?’" Tessie says.

But she was unstoppable and Tessie brought the long misunderstood issue of domestic violence into the consciousness of Lihok Pilipina.

Her office conducted a survey on domestic violence and found out that six out of 10 women in the community were being battered. This led to the formation of Bantay Banay in 1992, a community-based and multi-stakeholder approach to end domestic violence.

Police enforcers, social workers, councilors, lawyers, and village chiefs were trained in gender sensitivity and human rights in order help them respond to domestic problems.

"It was time to realize that domestic violence and gender sensitivity are public concerns because they are commonly felt by women," asserts Tessie.

Since many cases were referred to city hall, the mayor lent financial support to the training of barangay (village) volunteers and opened up a referral system where non-government organizations, government agencies, and professionals are tapped to help. Bantay Banay has been replicated in 70 cities and towns all over the country, effectively making the issue of domestic violence not only a public issue but also one of governance.

Cebu City is among the cities where the gender issue is mainstreamed in its planning and budget processes. Recently, it was one of the three awardees as a Women Friendly City in the Asia Pacific given by UN Habitat and UNIFEM.

The city was also awarded by the Galing Pook Foundation as an outstanding city in the realm of Gender Responsive Governance. Other than politics and women empowerment, Tessie is a staunch advocate of environmental protection. Her urban poor groups
are pioneering in a solid waste management program that segregates recyclables from degradable wastes right in the home.

This effort has been replicated by 11 barangays in the city.

She was among those who started the Cebu Uniting for Sustainable Water which advocates for water and watershed conservation through educational tours, reforestation activities, and sensitive land use plans.

PEACE IS PERSONAL



At the end of the day, among her many roles, Tessie is ultimately the mother of eight children, a role she gladly performs amid the huge challenges of her advocacy work. "Despite my busy schedule, I always have time for my children. I make it a point to attend parents-teachers meetings in school. And I make sure I buy them the stuff they need for school, that I always remember to bring them at the end of day," she beams.

While the children were growing, she would bring her kids to her office. "My bag was always stuffed with crayons, candies, and toys for them so that I could continue with my work while they drew or played in a corner."

Now all the children have grown, and she has much more time for her work. It seemed to go by so quickly, Tessie observes, but raising eight children was not at all easy.

"I had to budget our money very well. I did not want to incur debts, so I made sure we prioritized school and food first.
Until now, our house is a work-in-progress. And since they came one year after the other, my kids did not mind wearing hand-me-down clothes. We try to limit spending and only spent what we earn. This is one of the surest ways to have peace of mind. This is one value I taught my children," she says.

Where does a woman like Tessie get her strength to work as mother and advocate for social change? "After I have done my utmost, I pray that God will take care of the rest. I guess, faith and gut feel just keep me going," she says, smiling.

(This article first came out from the WOMEN'S FEATURE SERVICE) #