Life is Beautiful

By Marivir Montebon

Editor's Note: This article is a reprint from the Migrant Heritage Chronicle, a Washington, DC-based institution for immigrants in the US. The author reprints this in OSM! in time for the celebration of Pink October, the breast cancer awareness month. This is to the memory of Beth and Marlene, who became larger than life after their battle with breast cancer.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

-Pierre Tielhard de Chardin

New York -- Sometimes, it takes a debilitating disease to appreciate the real meaning of life. Women who have been afflicted with terminal breast cancer (the second most common cause of death among Filipino women) share that never before have they come to terms with themselves than the time when they were struggling to survive their own pain.

“Life is too short to wallow in anger or stress. It is best to always spend time with your loved ones,” says Beth Wong in a long distance call from Florida. She is waiting for her time at the hospice bed.

I could not help but be tearful as I talked to her one Sunday afternoon. I had been postponing my interview with her, despite the prodding of her good friend Zurita, fearful that I may cause her stress.

Finally we talked, and it was amazing to hear a woman on the other line who sounded strong and inspiring.

Elizabeth Wong, 49, is a physical therapist and has lived in the US since the early 1990s. In 2002 she noticed a lump in her breast and did not pay attention to it.  A year later she was diagnosed with advanced stage of breast cancer.

She said she was in a state of denial, and later realized it was wrong.

“We should have never be in a state of denial for too long,” she said, “because the early stage of cancer could have well been cured.”

In December of 2011, Beth’s breast cancer had spread fastidiously into her spine and bones, crippling her chest down to her legs. The doctors said they could not do much to help her.

She has resigned herself to the truth that death is at hand.  I asked if it was frightening to know that you are dying.

No, it is not, she said. “I don’t fear death. It is something I look forward to in order to meet my Creator. I am not praying to be healed. Life is beautiful after cancer, for you will be with God.”

Wishes

Beth, a native of Cebu, said there was nothing to regret in her life, except that she wished she could have more time helping others in their spiritual pursuit.

“People should not feel hopeless. Hope is in God. I wish I could share the profound joy to others when you have known God, you trust him, and you become worry-free and not focus so much on accumulating wealth or other earthly things.

This is not our house, we are journeying towards God, and if we understand that, we will not fear anything.”

Beth is to be survived by her and her partner of 15 years and her parents, who will soon embark on a long trip from Cebu to Florida in early February. Uncannily, Beth does the comforting for everyone from her hospice bed.

All her funeral arrangements have already been prepared, with the slightest of drama, that her parents will bring back her ashes to Cebu.

“It will be okay. We will see each other soon anyway,” she would say.

When not sedated with heavy doses of pain reliever, Beth entertains a steady stream of friends at the hospice who come to her and party.

When she lived way past her supposed deadline of two weeks, her friends from Florida and her college classmates, who are working in various states flew in to celebrate life with her. Some of her lifelong friends include Vivian from Poconos in Pennsylvania, Jingjing from New Jersey, Wennie from Michigan, and Zurita from West Virginia.

Recalling New Year’s Eve Zurita commented, “we celebrated New Year’s together and had a toast with sprite. We are very happy that she is still around and believe it or not she is the one comforting us when we were crying. How silly is that?”

“Never before has this hospice been in a jovial mood,” quips one attending nurse.

Change in Perspectives

The information drive on breast cancer which has now reached global proportions has significantly changed the perspectives of women, becoming proactive in the face of impending death.

Especially with the yearly celebration of Pink October, the Breast Cancer Awareness month, survivors, advocates, friends and family have congregated to continually battle cancer with strength and hope.

While doing my TV show Babaye in Cebu, I had a an opportunity to meet with women who were breast cancer survivors. I joined a handful of them in a make-over session at Rustan’s in 2006. And the women were raving at their new sophistication.

"I never thought I could be this ravishing”, beamed Elena, now a cancer survivor.

Being positive minded is the most common effect among women that I came in touch with.

The provincial director of the Trade Department in Cebu Nelia Navarro, another cancer survivor, said she has learned to become more relaxed and appreciative of the little details in life after she survived her own.

Evidently, she now chooses brighter colors in her suits and clothes while attending government and corporate functions.  "A good day has a lot to do with a sunny disposition, including the choice of color of clothes," she said.

An Inspiring Book

I knew of Marlene Capinpin Stern from her friends and husband Jeff, and the book she wrote, Looking into the Mirror.

She was one woman I missed meeting, passing on in February 2011, at an age where life is supposedly at its fullest as a businesswoman, nurse, and community leader in Connecticut.

Marlene victoriously fought breast cancer in 2001, after going through a bilateral mastectomy.  After one full year of recovery, she bounced back to life, with the support of Jeff, her family, and friends.

Her book Looking into the Mirror is the voice of a woman whose faith surpassed all of her life’s challenges, including the most gripping, health. Her mantra has always been an adamant, “I can do this” as she stares at herself in the mirror.

And she did it! Setting up her own real estate business, devotedly giving time to her two children, and leading a Filipino-American organization that made her literally larger than life.

The Breast Cancer Survival Center of Connecticut and the Life Success coaching of her husband proved to be helpful to Marlene, she was back on the road to make life happier for herself and others.

“I have learned that having breast cancer really changes how you look at life and how you treasure life. I now have more goals, more purpose, more I want to accomplish. I have learned to live one day at a time, and I truly enjoy every moment with my family and friends”, she wrote.

But cancers are treacherous and science has yet to deal successfully with their abrupt return, like thieves in the night that eat up the human body.

Marlene was diagnosed to have pancreatic cancer in 2010, which was already in its advance stage.  Up and about with the indomitable spirit of hope and hard work, Marlene was already life’s champion.

Right at the last grip of life, she was serene and took things in stride. A few weeks before she slipped away, she was still on top of her responsibility as community leader for the Filipino-American community. She organized and hosted the National Federation of Filipino American Associations Annual Grand Poinsettia Ball in Stamford, Connecticut in December 2010.

Marlene will be remembered for her legacy of leadership with the institutionalization of the Marlene Capinpin Stern Community Service and Leadership Award which will be awarded yearly to an organization that goes above and beyond to help Filipinos here and abroad.

Cancer has not defeated her spirit.  She lives on because of her faith and brand of leadership.

Eating in America

By Debbie Almocera

If you’re in the US for the very first time, you’re likely to experience what I call the “supersize syndrome.” That is, realizing that everything, and I mean everything comes in “supersizes”. Whether it’s the Big Mac in your hand or the SUV you’re in, you will realize that size does matter in America.

Let’s focus on food. The first time you order a regular cheeseburger, you wonder if they made a mistake and gave you one for the whole family. The drink that comes with your meal is usually the size you get when you’re having a family reunion in the Philippines. In the States individual soda orders are ridiculously supersized that New York had to propose a law banning soda drinks over 16 ounces!

When my oldest daughter first stepped into one of the most popular fast food chain in the country, her first order was a chocolate milkshake that was larger than any milkshake she has ever seen, it practically shook her. When her “regular meal” arrived, she wondered if she could pack and mail some of her food, and share it with friends back home. Then they offered her dessert that looked so appealing on the illustrated menu. When it arrived, it was it bigger than her meal.

I believe first timers in the US feel a pang of guilt every time they couldn’t eat all the food they’re served. I used to share the same sentiments each time I looked at the food I have to refuse simply because they were too much for my stomach.

In my effort to compensate for my lack of culinary skills, I made the mistake of taking my daughter to an Asian buffet. The minute she saw the delectable display of Asian cuisine, she couldn’t believe her choices. However, it didn’t take us very long to realize that this was a losing proposition. We paid way more than what we imagined we could ingest. She was “full” before she could start tasting everything she wanted. In times of dire hunger we think we can eat anything and everything. The brain responds to visual and olfactory stimulus of food. However, my daughter’s stomach can only accommodate so much food before it sends a signal to the brain that it’s full. To the dismay of her taste buds the hypothalamus (that part of the brain that regulates hunger), dictates that she has to stop eating.

Buffets are as commonplace as fast food restaurants in this country. No matter how small the town, you can bet your last penny you can find a Chinese restaurant with a buffet not too far from McDonald’s wherever you are in these United States. And for this, what can I say but I’m grateful.

The perennial question during the first few days of my daughter’s colonial life is - “where’s the rice?” Whether it’s a fast food restaurant or a fancy steakhouse, her first question is “do you have rice?” Imagine the surprise of the servers at KFC when my daughter insisted they have to have rice on their menu, because that is the only way she could eat fried chicken! Apparently, they have rice with their chicken at KFC Philippines. Mind you, I was the same way during my first few years in the States, before I developed a taste for hamburgers and fries as actual meals.

Grocery shopping for the first time was not a very pleasant experience. I thought, “that’s it, I’m going to go hungry”. Food in massive quantities and extra large canned goods were staring at me in the face, but there was nothing I could eat. All I wanted was a small plate of rice and something to go with it. I realized that if I want to eat my kind of food, I’d have to learn to make them myself. The first thing on my list was a rice cooker.

When I found one I realized I have never had such a great appreciation for a simple kitchen appliance. What a priceless invention for those like me who needs it out of dire necessity and survival.

My daughters have since adjusted to the American way of eating – unhealthy. And I couldn’t be any prouder. The humungous cheeseburgers no longer look as intimidating as they used to. We have gotten so used to eating larger meals that our stomachs have finally stretched to the dismay of our brains. Miraculously, my girls still look like waifs in a hunger colony. Which makes me wonder, where did all that food go?

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Debbie Almocera is a licensed therapist working in the behavioral medicine department of one of the largest hospitals in St. Louis, Missouri. For her, there has not been a more fulfilling and rewarding career than the one she has now. She can be reached at dholderle@yahoo.com

Rachel Richards: The Power of Touch Makes the Difference

By Marivir R. Montebon

When living the hurried life in New York, having a massage therapist is definitely a necessity, but having a really good one is a rare find.   OSM! features Rachel Richards, an incredibly rare find in the business of massage therapy in the city that never sleeps.  Before deciding to be a massage therapist, she was a stage actress.

The lovely and petite woman with gentle, powerful touch sang and danced in some of her favorite roles as Eliza in My Fair Lady, Evita in Evita, Bella in Rags, Connie in Good News, and Sandy in Grease. (See her acting website:  http://rachelmoses.com/)

But married life has compelled her to do an extreme shift in career, and because the care giving career, by nature, is more economically stable. About four years ago, the power of her touch has done pretty much amazing help to her clients, as much as she did amaze her audience in the theatre.

Rachel is a native of Long Island and finished massage therapy at the Swedish Institute, which covered studies on anatomy, physiology, kinesiology, pathology, neurology, assessment, Swedish massage, Shiatsu, and clinical applications.

Excerpts:

1. How long have you been into the massage service industry? Why did you choose this particular career?

I began my massage therapy education at the Swedish Institute of Health Sciences in April 2007. I’ve now been working as a licensed practitioner for almost four years.

After working as a stage actress, touring the country for the better part of my 20s, I finally decided it was time to find more steady work that would allow me to stay home with my husband Jesse. It took a tremendous amount of brainstorming, reading, and soul-searching. It was clear that my interests lay in health sciences. I had a powerful urge to help people. I’m also a very kinesthetic person - understanding the power of touch and how it could be used to provide people with less pain, better health, and an improved quality of life was something I wanted to explore. As opposed to many other health professions, where office visits may be scary, annoying, or painful, massage could offer health benefits and a relaxing experience. I came across the Swedish Institute online, applied right away (while in Florida doing a show), and began school shortly after my return to New York.

2. There are various massage styles or techniques, how did you master all these techniques?  Does it come with practice or the knowledge from school mattered more?

Techniques are learned and then practiced and honed over time. As far as styles, I think each practitioner has their own. Techniques are the easy part. Knowing how to do a thorough assessment and deciding which techniques would provide the best possible outcome for the patient is where more of the real work lies. And even once I’ve devised a treatment plan, that is subject to constant modification depending on the needs and comfort levels of the patient.

As far as which mattered more, school or practice, I’d say you can’t have one without the other. School was my foundation. It gave me the tools I needed to practice safely and effectively. As with most any career, expertise comes with experience. Not only do I learn from my work, I also make it a point to continue to study. I’ve taken many continuing education classes since I graduated. I followed my interests and received advanced certifications in medical, sports, and prenatal massage. I think no matter what you do, you can always learn more. Especially in the health field where new developments and discoveries are being made every day.

3. I have tried a few sessions with you and I found it very helpful, how do you know what fits best for your client?

Every person is different. Even if two patients present with the same pain symptoms, it is not unusual to use two different approaches to treatment. What may be wonderfully beneficial for one person may not be appropriate for another. That’s why it’s so important to take a thorough patient history and assessment before beginning treatment. Once a patient is on the table, I make sure she knows that the lines of communication are open. I explain why I’m doing a particular technique and check in to see if the pressure is appropriate. I encourage the patient to let me know if he feels any discomfort or if there’s anything he needs. In other words, I encourage my patients to take an active role in their sessions and in their health care. It’s really a partnership.

4. What do New Yorkers complain most of when they ask for massage service from you?

I see people with all kinds of pain and injuries, both new and old. I suppose the most frequent complaint I hear is neck pain often due to the hours spent on computers nowadays, and the lack of knowledge about proper ergonomics. If you spend a lot of time on a computer, check out my article on ergonomic essentials, http://rachel-richards.com/news-feb2012.php

5. How is business going these days? Is it busy or slow?

I am very fortunate to have a busy practice!

6. Do you have a problem with competition? How do you deal with it?  What is your edge over the rest?

No, I’ve never found competition a problem. There are plenty of New Yorkers in need of massage therapy, more than enough to fill the treatment rooms of all therapists. If you know how to market your practice and are good at what you do, getting clients won’t be a problem.

I think one of the things that keeps my patients coming back is the individual and undivided attention they get when they’re here. I make it a point to really listen to their concerns and treat them as unique individuals.

7. Being a massage therapist is quite a tiresome physical and emotional (I believe, your hands must express a sense of nurturing), so how do you regain your energy at the end of the day?

Proper body mechanics and self-care techniques were a huge part of my education. Knowing how to take care of myself and making sure I don’t overbook my schedule is key to keeping myself healthy. I make nutrition and sleep a priority. I practice Yoga and I get massaged regularly. In other words, I practice what I preach!

Links to share:

Website: www.Rachel-Richards.com
Blog: http://hungryforlifebook.wordpress.com/
Like Rachel's page on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rachel-Richards-Massage/160760773967012
Sign up for her free monthly e-newsletter offering health tips and massage specials: http://rachel-richards.com/contact-rachel-richards.php

SING YOUR WAY OUT OF STRESS!

SING YOUR WAY OUT OF STRESS!

BY DEBBIE ALMOCERA

I love to sing. There was a time when I thought I was good at it. I remember having benefit concerts in my college days whose main attraction were my friends and I - a bunch of delusional wannabes drowning in our own grandiosity. It was a daring time.

Unfortunately, my friends and I are now immersed in lives completely different from what we originally envisioned. We didn’t become professional singers, nor did we achieve stardom beyond our wildest dreams. Whenever we get together, we reminisce and laugh at our “misfortune” of not being able to adhere to our original calling – to become rock stars for the masses! Instead, we raised kids, worked day in and day out, and got credit cards and mortgages that bound us eternally to a nine-to-five job. Our singing dreams went up in smoke and into the shower.

The value of music cannot be understated. Singing, listening to, or playing music are effective tools in coping with stress and venting emotional frustration. Music relieves stress, and boosts memory and learning.

Studies compiled by Northwestern University researchers reveal significant benefits acquired from early musical training and experience. Children who have early musical training evidently have a more developed vocabulary, and better reading ability . They appear to be more focused and attentive in school. Studies with older adults with lifelong musical experiences and skills indicated slowed memory losses .

Music appears to help trigger memory of certain events in life. They have also found out that playing a musical instrument sharpens one’s auditory ability to distinguish speech and sound . Apparently, somebody with musical skills can detect emotion in sound better than those who have no musical talent whatsoever.

I have experimented on using music with Alzheimer’s patients to calm them down, when they appear restless and agitated. I have noticed immediate calming effects. However, I think more studies still have done in this area.

Although there is a significant amount of research that shows evidence of the positive impact of music in mood, we don’t have to be scientists and scholars to know that music is a mood enhancer. Music makes us happy, and helps make us feel relaxed. Whether you want to feel romantic and ecstatic, or wallow in self-pity and despondency, music would set off these emotions like an arrow to a target. Listen to a dancing beat, and you will find yourself bobbing your head, and tapping you toes. Listen to sad melodies, and you remember the time you nursed a broken heart.
Once again, music facilitates the release of “feel good” hormones and neurotransmitters in the brain, particularly oxytocin and serotonin.
I learned to play the drums not because I wanted to bang on things (although I do question this sometimes), but because I was fascinated by the simplicity of an instrument that gives pulse to music. I was amazed at how drums could carry the beat of a song, by a simple repeated note. I look at drum sets and admire the combination of pieces that diversify a beat. In the process of learning how to play, I found out that playing (or banging in things), is an effective stress management technique. Since then, I have committed to become a drummer.

But I will keep on singing. Hopefully so would my friends, unless they have plunged completely into the abyss of hopelessness when it comes to their singing aspirations. Whether you can sing well or not, (most of us think we can, including me, to the dismay of my daughters, and perhaps all my friends), do not hesitate to bellow out a note to the top of your lungs, and declare your operatic skills to the Gods. Trust me, you will feel better.

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Debbie Almocera is a licensed therapist working in the behavioral medicine department of one of the largest hospitals in St. Louis, Missouri. For her, there has not been a more fulfilling and rewarding career than the one she has now. She can be reached at dholderle@yahoo.com

Love is in the Brain

LOVE IS IN THE... BRAIN

BY DEBBIE ALMOCERA

It was probably close to my last years in grade school when I got hooked on romance novels that epitomize hopelessly-in-love heroines and the ever so-stoic out-of-this-world-drop-dead-gorgeous heroes. Reading these books took me to new heights of imagination and expectation that someday I would be swept off my feet by one such unbelievable charming prince.  I was constantly daydreaming, awaiting for that moment to arrive.

And arrive he did, (admittedly a few more after), along with a boat-load of disappointments and irrational expectations that tumbled-over like a pile of dominoes.

At first glance the overwhelming ecstatic emotional high that one experiences when in love, tend to dominate every part of one’s brain and sensibility.  New research in the neurochemistry of love done at the Emory University and Albert Einstein College of Medicine, to name a few, have shown that the notion of romantic love only goes as far as the reward and reinforcement circuits of the brain are being activated.  This reward and reinforcement circuit appears to be facilitated by a bundle of nerve cells, called the medial forebrain bundle (MFB).  When “activated”, this neural bundle appears to trigger activity in other areas in the brain, including the four areas referred to as the “love circuit”, namely, the ventral tegmental area (VTA), the nucleus accumbens, the ventral pallidum and the raphe nucleus.  These are the areas associated with the release of Dopamine, Serotonin and Norepinephrine, which are fondly called the “feel good” neurotransmitters.  When these neurotransmitters are released, you’re on “cloud 9”.

The rest of the body reacts accordingly, sending “butterflies” in one’s stomach, and causing the heart to beat a mile a minute.
There will come a time however, according to these studies, approximately between 12-15 months, when this neural activity goes back to normal, and the excitement of romance gradually diminishes.  Sadly, there is a chance that you may wake up one morning only to realize that you are no longer madly in-love with the person you’ve been sleeping with.  By then, one can only hope that there is something more in the relationship aside from blind devotion and heart palpitations.

As the brain quietly settles down, and the heat of passion subsides, thinking processes goes back to “normal”, and rationality seeps through.  These supposed rationale thinking patterns eventually in fact, determine the lifespan of one’s relationship.
It is interesting to note that the frontal lobe, which is that part of the human brain primarily responsible for rational thinking, is also the last part of the brain to develop.  (Thus I could understand why teenagers engage in impulsive and irrational behaviors). Fronting the frontal lobe, is the prefrontal cortex, which is the “head honcho” of decision-making, the seat of willpower, the “conscious mind”.  Unfortunately, it is also the slowest.

The prefrontal cortex takes its time when making decisions.  It has to consider a significant amount of information, such that, sometimes, decisions are made, even without it knowing.  One might be able to deduce that when other areas of the brain are activated, such as the four areas known as the “love circuit”, the prefrontal cortex may not even know about it, or at least, haven’t thought enough about it to make a smart and logical decision.  When one is madly in love, you can bet they just might have lowered their IQ levels, and currently experiencing a “dumb as a box of rocks” moment.

When the prefrontal cortex finally catches up with the rest of the brain, the love-struck person gradually realizes the consequences of his or her actions, and perhaps would thank his or her lucky stars for having found a perfect mate, or for the unlucky ones, to dig deep for reasons to stay in the relationship, and make it last.  For where romantic love ends, real life begins.

I am not trying to diminish the value of love by reducing it into a bundle of neural circuitry.  After all, I’ve heard people profess undying everlasting love to each other, over the years, numerous times.  However, just because sparks don’t fly and there are no more fireworks in the background, doesn’t mean love is gone. It is simply replaced by intelligence and wisdom – knowing that the person you’re with is THE ONE, whether they look like your imagined hero or heroine, or having not the slightest resemblance.

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Debbie Almocera is a licensed therapist working in the behavioral medicine department of one of the largest hospitals in St. Louis, Missouri. For her, there has not been a more fulfilling and rewarding career than the one she has now. She can be reached at dholderle@yahoo.com